In your thoughts, you’ve put the ring on your finger hundreds of times for him or her. See the scene right in front of you. Maybe you keep dreaming about it. No question: The wedding should be the most beautiful day in the life of you two! But what happens when you or your partner is suddenly seized by the fear of the wedding? When one suddenly withdraws? And would like to cancel everything?
No question: it is a very difficult situation. Especially if it happens one minute before twelve, just before the actual big party. When the invitations have long been sent and the dress has already been put on.
THE ONE reason for feeling scared of getting married does not exist. Rather, the causes and triggers are different from person to person.
Furthermore, the panicking bride just before the wedding is a popular subject of Hollywood comedies such as the “Almost married”. But in reality, it’s not that funny.
Just sitting in front of the registry office or the altar – that’s the worst thing that can happen on the day of the wedding for a great percentage of couples. And yet it happens or is sometimes close to it.
Reasons And What You Can do About It
The fear of the “forever”
A certain uncertainty before the wedding and the urge to question one’s own decision is a widespread phenomenon. Man or woman, both sexes can meet it.
The fear of the new, of the step that changes everything. Just the thought of “Until death divides us” can bring about pressure and cause doubts of which one had previously suspected nothing.
Get rid of doubts and panic before getting married
To get rid of doubts and panic, start working on yourself. A certain fear and excitement is of course completely normal. However, if this leads to a recurrent and stressful fear and panic, then it is time to act.
The unfamiliar stress of the wedding organization reinforces negative feelings. The additional tasks, in addition to job and other obligations, are at first often perceived as pleasurable.
However, the closer the deadline gets, the greater the burden, the greater the fear of the consequences. All activities, all conversations, all preparations culminate in this one day, after which nothing will be the same as before.
Add to that the pressure that one expects of oneself to organize a perfect wedding. One feels the responsibility of having to please all the guests and thus builds up an extreme expectation.
The fear can also be based on past experience, of deep-seated disappointments that one has experienced and does not want to repeat. Even those who have experienced close up, such as broken relationships, may have sustained traumas.
Concerns about the wedding are normal
A certain nervousness before the wedding or being afraid of getting married is normal and should be overcome. Talk to friends or family members, distract yourself from other activities, and take time out from planning stress. Delegate work to friends and relatives who will be happy to help you.
If the relationship is actually on a secure footing, the couple knows each other longer and maybe even lives together, then this condition is probably only due to a certain overload and temporary.
It is often helpful to set some rules of the game that can lead to “tricking” your own concerns. One can, for example, agree that everyone has one day a week at leisure, without having to discuss or even argue about it. Having your own account also gives you the feeling that you have retained a sense of independence.
Help from outside with wedding panic
Certainly, especially for the faithful, marriage preparation courses offered by the churches may be helpful. Here you can talk with other bridal couples, or even with the clergyman alone, about the concerns and expectations that concern you about the upcoming marriage.
Psychologists and therapists say that a certain amount of insecurity before marriage is nothing out of the ordinary, as the new phase of life is indeed a very dramatic event for the couple.
The fear of something new is laid out in all human beings, but there is also the power in each of them to face the new challenge and overcome their fears.
But there are also cases where such negative thoughts are seriously frightening and distressing. Symptoms such as tremors, abdominal pain, constant nervousness and eating disorders, as well as panic attacks, are troubling the affected person and the environment.
In case of serious problems, it is recommended to look for someone who is outside of your close circle of friends or acquaintances. A professional interlocutor is trained for such situations and can help break the vicious circle of thoughts that are constantly rotating around the marriage.
The deciding factor is not to perish in the vortex of demands (self-imposed or externally imposed) and constraints (real or imagined). Preserving one’s own autonomy and one’s own boundaries is the ultimate goal.